TriumphantMom's Troubled Thoughts March 7, 2009

I actually had a day that was full of small triumphants~ I managed to get my kitchen clean, REALLY clean. Something I have struggled with getting done since the birth of my son. I would clean but stop just sort of it being done and then it would be a couple of days before I tried to tackle it again. Anyway, it is done and I feel so much better about myself having got it done.
I also managed to tackle some paperwork that had been waiting for me to get to it. Frustrating that I waited so long to deal with it but oh well~ it is done now and so a positive triumphant thing.

Now the troubled thoughts~

Actually I am making some progress with troubled thoughts~ I read an article today and in it the writer said "The main obstacle that will stand in your way when trying to accept a new situation is uncertainty. Uncertainty is simply not being sure that what you are currently facing is the truth."

So I know that my Mom's death is a certainty~ she is gone. I have accepted it and am making progress in the grieving and not having her around anymore. Accepting her death has been rather simple to do. The biggest things I have dealt with her death are related to some daily habit things that she is missing from. Morning coffee where we talked about the day ahead and different things going on in our lives. Having her offer up her opinion of different things going on. And a rather selfish habit... but having her around to watch the kids for me. Like last night, I realized I needed just one item from the store. Something that really couldn't wait to get later. When Mom was alive, I would just have her watch the kids and run the errand. Now I have to pack up the kids, get on jackets, shoes, and all that, drive to the store, get them out of the car and take them in with me to get the one item, then back to the car and back home where we have to get them out of their coats and settled back down. A less than 10 minute errand when Mom was alive is now a 30 minute thing. Selfish I know...

Of course less certain is the relationship with my sons father. Accepting it has been much more difficult. There are so many things that I find difficult to accept with it and I find myself constantly in turmoil because of it....

However I think I am coming to terms with some of it. I will be writing more about this later...