Today has been a very long day physically and emotionally.

First, it was the day for my little ones first immunizations. This brought many emotions with it. First was some fear of the effects that the shots would have on my baby, how he would be with them, and all that. It is rather painful as a parent to see your baby hurt, even if the temporary pain of the immunizations are protecting them from something more serious later in life.

Then there was emotional turmoil over Baby's Daddy... I didn't know if he would go to the appointment or not. Previously he had said he didn't "do" shots and wouldn't go to them. But as always, with him, what he says and he does can be two entirely different things. And they were... he was at the doctors office when we got there.

Turning the corner at the doctors office and seeing him there was an emotional moment. I quickly got control and by the time I had parked I was able to open the car door being civil. I didn't pop off with "I thought you didn't "do" shots?" although I did think it. I do know that he loves our son and so far he has been there anytime that he was aware the child needed him to be.

So he grabbed the car seat and into the doctors office we went. Our doctor was off delivering a baby so we had a little wait for him to get back. Sitting there together was very awkward. I pulled out my phone and started to text a friend just so I could detach a bit from the emotions I was having. I am frustrated with myself that I cannot seem to be able to be around him without the feelings I get.

Both of us were taking pictures of the baby~ when he turned the camera towards me and took a pixcture of me. I just shook my head at the time but it really bothered me. On top of that several times I caught him looking at me, staring at me. This really made me uncomfortable.

I had asked him what he expected from me after he had given me the last letter... he never did answer me~ rather typical of him. Sort of like when I asked him why the games~ he tells me that if we get through the current situation he will try to answer my questions. Far be it for him to be honest and tell me now. It feels like more games... Although I should be totally use to it.
I just do not understand this man. I wish I could just turn off these stupid feelings for him and walk away without any of this bullsh*t.

A friend of mine asked me the other day when enough would be enough of dealing with this guy. I want it to be enough now. My head wants to be DONE with him. To be able to just take the emotions I have, shut them off, and deal with him strictly as a co-parent. So I sent him a couple of emails~ telling him that I do not like the behavior he exhibited at the doctors appointment. Now it is a matter of waiting to see if he will listen or do his own thing and ignore me....