My Mom passed away~ she went to be with Jesus on February 3, 2 days ago. It is so sureal~ I just don't know what to do with myself right now. I want my Mommy and she is gone...

I didn't just lose my Mom, I lost my best friend. Through out my life, whenever I needed someone, my Mom was always there. 13 years ago, I was going through a horrible divorce and my Mom dropped everything in her life to come be with me. She has stayed with me through out the years. When ever I had problems, whenever I had joys, through it all, there was my Mom right by my side... and now with the hardest loss of my life... she is not here and it is so not fair...

I want her back. I want to talk to her. I want her to be here to go with me to pay the stupid bills. She and I always went and payed the bills together every month. We were a team... go pay the bills, go do the shopping... I am lost without her.

Add to it the stuff with my sons father and I am really feeling overwhelmed...

Baby's Daddy has been supportive the last couple of days. I told him thank you and he said it was for his son... I almost started to cry when he said it. I know now that he and I are really through and what ever he does it is for our son not for me.

SO much loss... and it isn't over yet.

My ex will be going with our daughter in just a couple of months... another loss. I asked baby's daddy to give me permission to move... he hasn't yet. If he doesn't I will go from seeing my daughter every day to seeing her one weekend a month.

I will be left here in this town that I am growing to hate with just me and my two little ones... alone. Having to let my baby go with his daddy for visits, having to let my baby be around someone who I REALLY do not want my son around...

I feel so TOTALLY scared and alone right now... no where to turn... and it all really just is NOT fair.